lifting my voice in thanks and proclaiming all your wonders. Psalm 26 v7 - Complete Jewish Bible

Healing Blog - Our Healing

This is not a live blog, but a diary constructed from thoughts I captured at the time with the gaps filled in with reference to paperwork from the time.

This is the story of my wife's illness and subsequent healing.

We have benefited much from the ministry of Christine and Peter Darg – including the healing ministry and teaching about healing. I desired to see healing break into the life of our church. I did not realise it would be personal and painful.

February 11 th to 13 th 2009

Nadine was unable to attend a church women’s event and the ICEJ UK weekend conference due to exhaustion and fever and abdominal tenderness. She has been having these events every few weeks for a while; but not as bad as this one turned out to be.

Friday 27 th February

Nadine visited the General Practitioner on the advice of friends that she should seek advice on these episodes. The doctor takes blood samples for analysis. Received phone call from hospital in the evening offering appointment for following Monday.

Monday 2nd March

Hospital appointment for an Ultrasound scan. Scan shows a cyst on the pancreas and others on the liver plus multiple gallstones. I was at the church doing something while Nadine had the scan. Pastor Antony was also there so Nadine told him the news and he prayed for us – particularly for the peace of God.

Tuesday 3 rd march

Appointment for a CT (Computer Tomography) scan. Followed by call for endoscopy investigation. The speed of these calls suggests serious concern among the doctors.

Wednesday March 4th Morning

Nadine at mother and toddler group in the church I went to the funeral of a younger ex colleague.

afternoon

Nadine's Endoscopy appointment. ( I was waiting outside) Medic revealed that there is are cysts on the liver as well as the 3cm one on Nadine's pancreas – sounds bad. But it is not clear what they are, cancer should have showed up in blood tests done earlier. Appointment paperwork said "suspect cancer" – first appearance of the C word. Nadine said to doctor that she is not going to get upset as she has had a good life, a great 40 year marriage, great children and lovely grandchildren. (Lovely; but it shook me)

Thursday March 5th

I had a sad night (Nadine had peace) but awoke this morning feeling positive and that it might be time to put into action what I have said on my web page on Healing.

I had my morning reading and today it was 1 Kings 17. This is the first appearance of Elijah and has two serious miracles. I concluded that now is the time to take authority. Nadine and I prayed and then I addressed the gall stones, cysts, tumours, or whatever else shouldn't be there, in the name of Jesus and told them to leave. I warned that if they are still there tomorrow I will be back ( I hope this is OK ) It really isn't me to make authoritative pronouncements, but I went for it.

( I checked out that famous quote from Yoda, "Do or do not… There is no try" -I know he is only a muppet, but somebody put that wisdom in his mouth.)

Nadine's sister had 'phoned to ask for prayer for her friend whose cancer had flared up for a third time. She is a widow and has three children but is a believer. This does not appear to be a coincidence but a God-incidence so we are believing in parallel for Brenda to be healed.

Later Thursday

Started to feel wobbly and realised I am like Peter walking on the water but then looking at the waves and needing Jesus to take my hand. This took a while and some grief and tears to happen. Matthew 14 v30-31

Some time around then, while I was praying in distress, I was given what Christine calls a rhema word; a word that needs to be held on to. Jesus' word to Jairus popped into my mind and I looked it up and held on to it. (Luke 8 v50) I took this word and worked it into the picture that is on Healing Practical, printed it out A4 size, framed it and hung it on our kitchen wall.

Friday March 6th

ICEJ News letter says, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." Matthew 7:24-25

Glad I listened to words of Jesus to speak!

Saturday March 7th

No special word - carry on doing same speaking to the mountain.

Learned doctor appointment is Wednesday. I had been thinking – not knowing end, only the steps to take – perhaps I was to speak to problem every day – perhaps 7 days, like Jericho. This will be 7 days of speaking, before appointment.

Sunday March 8 th

Realised (and confessed) aware of three reasons why God may have allowed this to happen.

I believed and desired to see healing in the Name of Jesus released into our church.

I had allowed my love and affection for Nadine to become worn and needed this shock to show me how much I love her.

I had been putting off starting to pray together – this shock has achieved that.

Morning service

Great songs, containing encouragement and confirmation.

Speaker teaching children we can all be super-heroes because Jesus said we would do greater things than these (what He did) Sermon included Small Steps – confirming we had to take step to believe Jesus and take His authority (His Name) and Order sickness to leave.

40 th wedding Anniversary family meal

Joyful afternoon – no shadow of Nadine's health. Comments about we must do this again prompted thought of what if this is our last anniversary. Our pastor and his wife know what we are doing/believing but we can't tell everyone yet because we don't want to distress our children until the position is clear (for good or ill)

Looking ahead

One thing we do not know how to do is putting ourselves in the position where, if the Name of Jesus does not come through, we will look foolish.

Expect Wednesday's appointment will be the biggie. Is this the meeting with the doctor who has the Kleenex on the desk. Perhaps we have to hear what he says and then say that we believe he will find that all the things on the scans have now gone because we have trusted in the word of Jesus. ( ! )

Monday March 9th

Good day, into town and duties @ church

Evening – prayer event - disturbed by Antony speaking of ministering in places only you can go – memories of friend’s ministry whilst dying of cancer. TV News all deaths and funeral (Wendy Richards, 64, cancer)

Bedtime – falling apart and losing the plot. Am I balancing on a carefully constructed false hope that is not God's plan, or am I being buffeted by waves from our adversary to forget the "don't be afraid, just keep trusting" words of Jesus? Am I learning to be open to God's deeper purposes, or am I in danger of loosing my miracle through unbelief?

0330 – have calmed down but still can't get to sleep – get up to log these thoughts; and to let Nadine get some sleep. I think she would cuddle and comfort me all night if it were possible. I love her so much! Ashamed of times of being grumpy and critical in my thinking. Concerned about enormous unknown about when to tell children, because we can’t tell other people first but we don't want to frighten children with fears; not facts. Reminder that we haven't even had a diagnosis yet and I may have been putting myself through this grief for nothing (even apart from healing) Should I consult Christine Darg as my mentor? Would that be weakening from my position of learning to stand in Faith and Trust in the Authority (Name) of Jesus?

Tuesday March 10th

Very fragile ( virtually no sleep) Nadine and I prayed before laying hands and commanding. We noticed my words emphasising my weakness but Jesus' power. Couldn't eat all my breakfast.

Nadine off to ladies House-group – excellent sharing group but Nadine can't share yet. Chocolate cake to celebrate our anniversary. Still more congrats coming in (cards and Facebook)

Wednesday March 11th

Morning reading Healing of Naaman the leper. Noted he had to immerse 7 times. Also no great deeds – just do as told. Very encouraged to believe and do 7th speaking to our mountain. TotStop – very buoyant – told Pastor about reading.

Afternoon appointment.

Very nice doctor. Went through the case. It is almost certainly cancer in pancreas, but probably not in liver. Caught it very early. Case being referred to Birmingham for consultation and appointment. They will probably operate to remove cancer from pancreas and Nadine will not even become diabetic; or at worst remove her pancreas and she will become fully diabetic. Maybe there will be chemotherapy to zap any escaped bits in her liver. Felt amazingly calm – but then, we had gone through these possibilities already, and news was better than imaginings. Said to doctor about our faith for healing and “what if it’s all gone; would they be cross?”

Of course, the diagnosis would be like this because data was from before healing week. Nadine seems to be talking as if tenderness is the same as before. Big Question - If the course is to go along the normal path for treatment, why did I go through all this week, and what was the significance of all those scriptures etc? Would thinking like this render my faith-works void if there is still a purpose to them? Watch this space.

Have started telling our children.

Friday March 20th

Our first appointment with the Specialist in Birmingham. Difficulty and stress finding the hospital car park - Nadine loses her peace so we pray in the car, sitting at the top of the multi-storey car park. Nadine asks that God will show us the way we should go - Trusting in the name of Jesus alone for healing or trusting that our healing will come through the divinely gifted skill of the surgeons?

The waiting room was full of sick and sad looking people, many of them yellow. The specialist was friendly and his office was sunny He had good news for us; having reviewed all the scans etc. The cysts in her liver are only cysts and not of any significance. The thing on her pancreas is a tumour and has been caught early, but it is in a bad position, in the midst of major blood vessels by the spine, and is inoperable. We both smiled and thanked him. We realised that Nadine's prayer had been answered. I remembered a cutesy poster of a kitten hanging by the claws of one paw, with the text, "Faith is not faith until it is all you have to hold on with."

The nurse we refer to as the Kleenex lady took us into the next room to talk about it. She appeared to be concerned that we had not taken in what was said. We asked, "How long?" She asked, "Do you really want to know?" The answer was less than a year. It was very strange, in that sunlit office, to be told that I was going to lose my wife within the year. But God had another reality for us.

We know why we were unconcerned; God had restored our peace and answered Nadine's prayer to be shown which way to go. We later learned that the specialist wrote in the notes that we "took it rather well."

Sometime

Nadine had a bad wobble, thinking that our elder daughter (likely to get engaged soon) will not get married in time for her to see it.

Monday March 23 rd

Some down moments, like social worker querying the rightness of telling our younger son of our healing belief; in case it doesn’t happen. Listened to Christine Darg ’s cassette message. Talking of fixing a date – wondering how to do that – suggestion of seeking a word from God. Nadine asleep – went upstairs and prayed over the matter.

Driving in to “Prayer for Healing” meeting; mentioned this date fixing idea. Nadine remarks that I’d had a message (7 times like Jericho) and I had done that – speaking in Jesus’ name. Therefore it could be that I had received the healing on that day, but the actual disappearance of the cancer etc has yet to happen – but it will. Keep on speaking until it has gone but know I already have the healing. The prayer meeting was good, but God is ahead.

Wonderful, encouraging E-mails from youngest daughter and from Jewish friend in Israel.

Sunday March 29 th

Antony preaching on Nehemiah 13 – of clearing out of the Temple what should not be there. Also, since the ministry of Jesus, the Temple (place where the spirit of God dwells) is the believer and the community of believers. True on many levels; one being the body of the child of God – there is no room for things from Satan – including cancer.

Monday 30 th March -

Appointment at QED in Birmingham for endoscopy (to take biopsy for analysis to determine chemotherapy) Great peace that today we get our miracle confirmed. Thinking how out of touch with “reality” we are but in touch with what God can do. Nurse who takes Nadine’s preliminaries is a born again Christian and believes God does miracles. Collect Nadine after procedure – no comment about results. Feel flat but what else should I have expected?

Tuesday 31 st March

Still feeling flat and troubled. What am I doing wrong? Am I running ahead, becoming proud or ambitious for what a healing will do for me? I want, in support of our pastor, healing message to come to our church, to see Jesus glorified and faith increased, but am I building my own scenario on what I see? Should I let go a bit and share the doing? - Going to Christine’s event – ask her for anointing? - ask elders for anointing? - encourage Nadine to start speaking to the mountain? - what about Nadine having “prayer and fasting” going around in her head?

Wednesday 8 th April (Erev Pessach)

Appointment local hospital Doctor. Nothing new, but interesting perspective. Insisting now that we don’t know it is cancer until the biopsy results are in. Observed that Nadine has no symptoms of cancer. Also no marker of cancer found in blood tests. Interesting! What if cancer is already dead (like those invading armies) but it will take a time to dispose of the corpses? Being referred to specialist.

Our daughter has a scare about our grandson and meningitis – prayed against it – appears no meningitis symptoms now. Learned of another Christian Israel loving friend awaiting biopsies. Appears there is a war on about healing and Israel!

Easter Saturday - April 11 th

Christine Darg’s evening in Ledbury. Ends with ministry time. Nadine did not go for prayer for healing. As she explained to Christine, she couldn’t ask for prayer for healing since she had already been healed. Christine agreed. A friend talking with Nadine said, Spirituality pouring off her (something like that).

Easter Sunday April 12 th

People saying how well Nadine looks.

Tuesday 14 th (first flat day after Easter)

Symptoms starting to return! During prayer time we declared that we refuse to accept symptoms. Fever does not develop and other symptoms leave.

Friday 17 th Hospital appointment with specialist

It’s not the cancer they thought, but a “well differentiated neuro endocrine tumour” it is operable and they will remove gall bladder while they are at it. Gobsmacked – esp Nadine. Said, “We have been trusting God for healing so wouldn’t just want to forget God and sign up for operation.” Doctor agreed we can think and pray and call them.

Monday 20 th

Nadine still perplexed – I thinking we should be setting a date for healing. Woke thinking could this be the day? Called Antony to see if he wanted to talk to our mountain. He said meet @ 1315. Talked and prayed and Nadine happy with the operation perhaps being our answer to prayer but supernatural healing not ruled out – We will keep praying and talking.

Tuesday 21 st

Appointment Dr Reed – (Hereford) Nothing new, just joyful with news about operation – won’t be seeing him again for chemo.

Monday 27 th April

Nadine a bit unsettled about no date for CT and can’t plan stuff. Worried me until I found out what it was. Prayed for shalom about it and she was OK by Tuesday.

Friday ** April

Came home from visiting our daughter in Birmingham and found letter offering appointment for CT scan June 8 th (after operation date) Really threw Nadine. Prayed for shalom again.

Monday ** April

Checked with hospital and found appointment 8th May – week before consultation which is a week before operation. Now 8th May is target date for cancer and gallstones to be gone – will continue speaking to that end.

Friday 8 th May

To Birmingham hospital Scans department for CT scan. Depressing, overcrowded reception and waiting room – full of very sick and miserable looking patients. Scan went fine. Realised what misery Nadine is spared on account of God’s shalom and the absence of symptoms. No clear leading about “speaking to the mountain” now scan done. Decide no reason to stop and reasons to continue.

Saturday 9 th May – Monday 11 th May

Visiting Nadine’s family to show how well she is and reassure them. Had been really dreading this since ‘phoning youngest sister and her being so upset. (middle sister ‘phoned following morning having heard the news – also in tears) Couldn’t face telling brother after that. Visit all went very well – reassured siblings and parents didn’t ask but were pleased to see us looking well.

Wednesday 13 th May

Nadine feeling very low in afternoon – bedtime. Prayed for renewal of shalom. Not great improvement until morning when she makes herself pray thanksgiving and confidence in God. We think she must be under attack during run up to big day ( results of scan, presumably)

Thursday 14 th May (evening)

There was a call from Dr Shah (neuro-endocrine tumour specialist) asking us to come on Tuesday for blood tests. So the tumour hasn’t gone as we hoped. Disappointment from our hopes for a big healing miracle – cause for rethinking and adjusting our praying and speaking. Not disappointed in God because He still has healing in hand by the miracle of the inoperable becoming operable, and through the skill of the surgeons.

Friday 15 th May

Appointment QEH for various pre-operation checks. Had been, for us, the big day when we heard what scan showed – if the tumour and gallstones had disappeared. Actually all quite routine, but encouraging in competence of those we met.

Tuesday 19 th May

Appointment QEH 0900 for blood tests for neuro-endocrine specialist. Asked us how the cancer was found. After hearing how, says that those symptoms were not the ones for a neuro-endocrine tumour. Since Nadine had no more symptoms after diagnosis, leaves us wondering what was going on. Without God on the case, would the tumour have just grown quietly until it was too late to do anything. Did God just send enough symptoms to alert our doctor?

Thursday 21 st May

Nadine in to QEH for operation tomorrow. High suspense waiting for confirmation of a bed being available, but peace holds out. Nadine was admitted in time for tea. Meeting nice people. Back to daughter’s for tea. E-mailed Pastor – encouraging reply. ‘Phoned kids.

I felt strange at end of visiting, walking away last time seeing Nadine looking well before she goes for major surgery tomorrow and will be in HDU, tubed up, next time I see her.

Tomorrow is Operation day. 1200 operation – up to 3 hours. Going to daughter’s.

Friday 22 nd May

This is the big day; can I pray any harder than usual?

Morning reading Jerimiah 32 – inc v17 “ADONAI, God! You made heaven and earth by your great power and outstretched arm; nothing is too hard for you. Also came to mind, Psalm 118 v24 zeh hayom YHVH ngilah v nsamakhah - This is the day the LORD has made I will be glad and rejoice in him. Nadine is in the hands of YHVH, I will rejoice and be glad in him.

Operation later than scheduled. Call back about 1700. 1700, yes she’s back from surgery and awake – visit at 1830. Emailed friends and read their E-mails – how fantastic to have believing/praying friends around the world. News of one friend’s mother’s miraculous survival really encouraging.

1830 Visiting - Nadine looking tired but pink. Tubed up and not in pain apart from referred pain in one shoulder. On epidural for pain that is expected for that operation. Appears doctors got it all out, but doubts as to whether they removed gall bladder. (what to tell parents now?) Apparently, 1 or 2% of patients don’t come through the operation. Just as I arrived they did chest X Ray – saw it on screen when docs came round - looked a bit cloudy – no comment but asking about penicillin – mustn’t be afraid! Just keep trusting.

Saturday 23 rd May

Visited 1400. Nadine looking perfect colour and cheerful. Passed on good news that elder daughter is engaged.

Nadine has more info from doctors. The tumour was 2 inches in diameter – rock hard with softer covering (feels like a golf ball or your big toe joint – while Pancreas feels like your calf muscle) They removed tumour + half pancreas + spleen. Didn’t remove gall bladder because they checked it and there were no stones (!?) Didn’t have to replace any veins either because they found they weren’t compressed (!?)

Quite mysterious – some miraculous healings but cancer had to be removed by surgeons – God must have his reasons….. Nadine having good conversations with nurses and doctors – many impressed with her calmness in the circumstances – even going in for surgery that she might not have come out of (1% chance) God is amazing! One nurse was fascinated by how Nadine and friends could laugh about it all.

Thursday 28 th May

Nadine is coming out of hospital today, having had her tubes and wires removed.

But what have we concluded from all this? I don’t think we can expect to understand all of God’s purposes and say with certainty, but here are some thoughts.

Why did the tumour not go after we ordered it out in the name of Jesus? The gallstones went and the veins were found to be OK.

Whilst speaking to the tumour and the gallstones to leave, and speaking health and wholeness to Nadine’s body we were also praying that God would work out his purposes in this and that glory would come to Jesus.

The disappearance of the gallstones demonstrates the healing power of the Name of Jesus to us in a subtle way but the non-disappearance of the tumour saves us becoming proud or becoming spiritual superstars. Also, going into hospital for a major operation allowed Nadine to demonstrate her peace to the doctors and nurses and to speak about the peace of God. She was also able to befriend a young mum who was suffering serious pain and needed her confidence built up. The nurses recognised the value of the relationship and made sure they remained close when they were moved from the High Dependency Unit to a normal ward.

I found it tempting to wonder where we had failed when we discovered that the tumour had not disappeared but had actually grown. Everyone around us only gave glory to God for what he has done and pointed out how much effect the whole business has had on so many people in our fellowship and our friends around the world. As my daughter said, “I knew that people would be amazed to see what happends when you two rubbed your mustard seeds together.”

As we pray in the evening, Nadine thanks God for her scar (right across her tummy and halfway around the sides, with 50 staples holding it closed) it is her permanent reminder that she has had inoperable cancer but God intervened and now she is cancer free!

Mid June

Nadine took down all the "Get Well Soon" cards. They were lovely and it was so good to know how people were behind us in faith and love. However, Nadine decided it was time to move on and not continue to be a sick person in receipt of sympathy. She is a healed person; not a sick person. We are convinced that attitude matters!

Friday 26th June

The first of a programme of hospital appointments. Specialist very pleased with progress of healing from operation. Explains that cancer was all removed, but there is always the chance that it can start up again; only around 30% for this type, as against much higher chance for more common type. Monitoring and regular blood tests will be looking out for any recurrence. If nothing has happened after five years it can be assumed that it is gone for good. Because the tumour was a very rare type, one specialist is doing tests in order to increase their knowledge. We will be cooperating with the doctors in these tests.

Will we be sucked into doubting and fearfulness that the tumour will occur again?

We prayed and affirmed in the name of Jesus that when God heals in the name of Jesus he does a complete job and that this cancer is defeated. This cancer will not return!

 

"Don’t be afraid! Just go on trusting and she will be made well" - Luke 8 v50 - Complete Jewish Bible

Not forgetting our gratitude to the doctors, surgeons and nurses who cared for Nadine so excellently.

Uploaded 02/07/09

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